“Ohhhh I’m in a glass cage of emotion!” my soul today is Ron Burgundy in that phone booth during the memorable scene from Anchorman in which Ron Burgundy’s dog, Baxter, has been kicked over a bridge by a pissed off biker dude.
The Red Sox season is over. I hurt.
The Red Sox season is over. I hurt.The Patriots went 17-0 last year before losing the biggest, most important game in the Super Bowl and yet strangely, the loss last night to the Tampa Bay Rays hurts more. Let me explain it better with a list of reasons why:
Top Ten Reasons Why the Red Sox Losing to the Tampa Bay Rays Hurts More than the Patriots Losing to the New York Giants:
10) I hate the fact that the media is making the Tampa Bay Rays into a rivalry team.
09) I can’t stand Raymond---if mostly for my affection for Jerry Remy.
08) Where the heck did their fans come from? Wow a full stadium of Pink Hats!!
07) They deleted “Devil” from their names and it frigging WORKED. What can we delete from ours? Red?
06) Scott Kazmir. He just doesn’t do anything for me. He’s like the poor man’s Jon Lester. He’s had, what? Two or three seasons to be good? Nah- he’s just gotten worse so far.
05) The Tampa Bay Rays think they’re better than Coco Crisp- and now they can gloat even more.
04) Thank you Tampa Bay, for ruining Christopher Walken’s SNL cowbell clip for me.
03) I never really hated Tropicana Field, but I laughed when the Boston radio guys made fun of it. But after this series? Tropicana Field really does suck- with that stupid satin grass and those terrible bullpens.
02) The fact that they were the worst team last season? I’d rather lose to the Pirates or the Nationals.
01) Johnny Gomes. That guy. I’ll tell you. Talk about a jerk. Here’s the guy who waited until Coco Crisp was down, during that benches clearing brawl? He slides in and started wailing on Coco’s head after about four of his teammates are holding Crisp down. What a freakin’coward. Every time they showed him in the dugout with that stupid hoodie on I wanted to vomit. What was he even doing there anyway? Did that guy have an at-bat this season?
"TOOL"
The good thing about last night was that it brought me back. I wasn’t as into the playoffs in 2007 as I was in 2004. Last night I felt the passion again. Last night I was on the edge of my seat, barely able to sit still. Every single pitch counted and I never once felt confident. It’s been a long time since I yelled at the television as much as I did. Maybe it was because I didn’t surround myself with a lot of diehards in 2007. I mean, even my dad who said he could “die in peace” after 2004 slept through the playoffs ’07.
The good thing about last night was that it brought me back. I wasn’t as into the playoffs in 2007 as I was in 2004. Last night I felt the passion again. Last night I was on the edge of my seat, barely able to sit still. Every single pitch counted and I never once felt confident. It’s been a long time since I yelled at the television as much as I did. Maybe it was because I didn’t surround myself with a lot of diehards in 2007. I mean, even my dad who said he could “die in peace” after 2004 slept through the playoffs ’07.
This year though, I knew every single one of my friends was waiting by their phones for the Sox to win and call each other yelling. When they lost, my phone didn’t ring once. I slept more soundly sure, but that is just telling you how depressed we all were. I still haven’t talked to a single one of my friends or my dad yet today. I talked to my mom, and I let her know I’m in mourning. But it’s not the same.
I can’t face the conversation with my friends yet. I’m sure my friend Ryan will call me by 8:00PM tonight to talk Sox, and to get himself pumped up for the Patriots game. Stephen I’m more worried about, he could be anywhere at this point and I wonder about his brother Nathan too. I feel like maybe my friend Nathan punched a hole in his television. I feel like Stephen just went for a long walk and hasn’t come home yet. Maybe I should call them just to make sure they’re all right.
…but I don’t want to talk about it yet.
All there is to look forward to now are the Celtics. Oh yea, and the Providence College/URI Basketball too. Even as devout a Pats fan as I am, the only way the Patriots are going to win another game this season is if Matt Cassel is on the bench. Until he proves to me that he can actually play the game, I refuse to believe the Patriots are any good at all. Their defense is exposed and their passing game reeks of bad garbage. Lawrence Maroney is a bigger bust than anything the Romans put out depicting the image of Caesar’s head and shoulders. “Big” Ben Watson is hurt more often than a hopeless romantic’s heart and that corner back they picked up sucks more than I used to on a fraggin’ ring pop.
I can’t face the conversation with my friends yet. I’m sure my friend Ryan will call me by 8:00PM tonight to talk Sox, and to get himself pumped up for the Patriots game. Stephen I’m more worried about, he could be anywhere at this point and I wonder about his brother Nathan too. I feel like maybe my friend Nathan punched a hole in his television. I feel like Stephen just went for a long walk and hasn’t come home yet. Maybe I should call them just to make sure they’re all right.
…but I don’t want to talk about it yet.
All there is to look forward to now are the Celtics. Oh yea, and the Providence College/URI Basketball too. Even as devout a Pats fan as I am, the only way the Patriots are going to win another game this season is if Matt Cassel is on the bench. Until he proves to me that he can actually play the game, I refuse to believe the Patriots are any good at all. Their defense is exposed and their passing game reeks of bad garbage. Lawrence Maroney is a bigger bust than anything the Romans put out depicting the image of Caesar’s head and shoulders. “Big” Ben Watson is hurt more often than a hopeless romantic’s heart and that corner back they picked up sucks more than I used to on a fraggin’ ring pop.
"Green Machine"
I know that last paragraph has a lot of allusions to different things. But read through it all slowly and you’ll be fun.
More to come at a later time. I already have a headache thinking about tonight’s Patriots game. GO PATS! As usual…I’ll probably be in bed at my regular time though.
"Duuuuuurh??"
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